Pagsisisi ng Muntinkang 2011 UST Graduate

listening to: opera of keyboard keys
mood: uplifted

Pagsisisi ng Muntinkang 2011 UST Graduate

Paumanhin
Dahil bumitaw ako
Nawalan ng pag-asa
Sa pangako Mong pagtulong.

Alam Mo naman, hindi ba
Ang aking pinagdaanan
Oo nga't, Iyong sinabi:
"'Di bibigyan ng pagsubok
Na 'di makakayanan"
Ngunit sa landas ng buhay
Na aking tinahak
Pakiramdam ay kaisa-isa akong
Nakiki-baka.

Idagdag pa doon
Ang pagtalikod ng mga tao
Mga kaibigan daw na totoo
Na kasabay na nawala ng
Lumagapak ng mundo ko
Mga problema'y nagkapatong-patong
--'di kinaya ang bigat!
At ang aking pamilya na handang
Sumagip, tumulong, umalalay
'Di nakayang pahirapan
Ng kakarimpot kong kahihiyan.

Sinarili ang problema
Kinimkim sa loob
Hangga't isang araw
Bigla na lamang sumabog.

Kaya sa Iyong panig, ako'y kumalas
Kaluluwa'y ibinenta kay Hudas.
Tinapos ang buhay,
Sa pag-talon sa tulay.

(Nais niyong malaman ang dahilan?
Binagsak kese ako ni prof.
Kaya't imbis na pag-aaral ang matapos,
Buhay muna ang inuna
Sa taong dalawang libo't labing isa.)

Lol. A poem I wrote during Filipino class today. It's slightly modified, since the original is in my book (which I left in my locker). I didn't think it was any good until somebody acknowledged it. So...

OMGMYFILIPINO is teh alive~!

^____^

As for the title of the poem, only UST students are probably going to get the inside joke. Since I'm rushing at the moment, I'll explain in my next blog post.

Third week in UST post still pending. I've already got 5 plates to finish this week. ;___;

On a sad note, I got a 3 in my latest Anatomy plate. I keep on joking that I'm going to assasinate our ATY prof, but I know I'm really the one at fault. I didn't give the drawings my best, and it was rushed. I guess... I deserved it. I thought getting a 3 was beyond/below me. Subconsciously I know it wasn't. I needed a wake-up call for being partially sleepy.

Babawi ako sa next plate!

God bless and take care to everyone. ^_^

...Until it turns into a pumpkin.

listening to: Mr. Deja Vu - Naja
mood: contemplative

I never really was a believer in fairy tales.

But that didn't stop me from dreaming. Or wishing. Even if I knew it would all end up in vain. You were a faraway star that shined too brightly--you were unreachable to most. A millimeter to some. Merely a handtouch away from me. But you only came close to those who you really wanted.

You were near and far at the same time. I remained steadfastly hopeful. At the back of my mind I knew it was futile--but my heart was blind.

And then. And then.

And then the unexpected happened. My deepest dreams unraveled, acquired flesh and broke the barrier of reality.

...Bliss!

And for a while I remained drunk in those thoughts.

There was a need for words, but after a while they lost their purpose. There were the touches, hands lingering far longer than strictly necessary; the glances, deep and far-gazing, rendering me transparent; the promises, emotions formed into words. The future plans and new sensations. Everything suddenly shined a little brighter, acquired a bit of beauty...

I knew it was ephemeral then.

But the unbidden thought didn't stop me -- you -- us. We were breaking boundaries, going over limits, crossing lines that that would provoke heaven's wrath; we were losing control, snowballing faster, spiralling dangerously lower, accelerating, falling, falling... waiting for the inevitable crash.

As if we were anticipating the crash. Wanting the abrupt downfall.

My carefully intact self was blurring at the edges. I was sharing too much, spreading myself too thin. I was losing myself.

But I loved you. So.

So.

...We crashed, but I was the one crushed. Left. Abandoned.

The fairy tale spin lost its magic.

The illusion was a pumpkin, after all.

Or was it just my deluded mind?

My deluded mind, which fed on wishful thoughts, with the ominous at the horizon, the edges of my peripheral vision, the sensitivity of your emotions.

(Or was it entirely mine?)

My deluded mind, which kept on hoping, praying, wishing, dreaming, pleading with Reality to continue its play, with the knowledge that everything would one day end.

Like a fairy tale ending. Not for the prince. Not for the princess. But for the antagonist.

Still.

Still, the heart plays the fool. And I continue.

***

Anybody who takes the above post seriously will be sent to the wanna-be planet Pluto. :D