...Until it turns into a pumpkin.

listening to: Mr. Deja Vu - Naja
mood: contemplative

I never really was a believer in fairy tales.

But that didn't stop me from dreaming. Or wishing. Even if I knew it would all end up in vain. You were a faraway star that shined too brightly--you were unreachable to most. A millimeter to some. Merely a handtouch away from me. But you only came close to those who you really wanted.

You were near and far at the same time. I remained steadfastly hopeful. At the back of my mind I knew it was futile--but my heart was blind.

And then. And then.

And then the unexpected happened. My deepest dreams unraveled, acquired flesh and broke the barrier of reality.

...Bliss!

And for a while I remained drunk in those thoughts.

There was a need for words, but after a while they lost their purpose. There were the touches, hands lingering far longer than strictly necessary; the glances, deep and far-gazing, rendering me transparent; the promises, emotions formed into words. The future plans and new sensations. Everything suddenly shined a little brighter, acquired a bit of beauty...

I knew it was ephemeral then.

But the unbidden thought didn't stop me -- you -- us. We were breaking boundaries, going over limits, crossing lines that that would provoke heaven's wrath; we were losing control, snowballing faster, spiralling dangerously lower, accelerating, falling, falling... waiting for the inevitable crash.

As if we were anticipating the crash. Wanting the abrupt downfall.

My carefully intact self was blurring at the edges. I was sharing too much, spreading myself too thin. I was losing myself.

But I loved you. So.

So.

...We crashed, but I was the one crushed. Left. Abandoned.

The fairy tale spin lost its magic.

The illusion was a pumpkin, after all.

Or was it just my deluded mind?

My deluded mind, which fed on wishful thoughts, with the ominous at the horizon, the edges of my peripheral vision, the sensitivity of your emotions.

(Or was it entirely mine?)

My deluded mind, which kept on hoping, praying, wishing, dreaming, pleading with Reality to continue its play, with the knowledge that everything would one day end.

Like a fairy tale ending. Not for the prince. Not for the princess. But for the antagonist.

Still.

Still, the heart plays the fool. And I continue.

***

Anybody who takes the above post seriously will be sent to the wanna-be planet Pluto. :D