How technology enslaved the writer

listening to: Namida No Hurricane - Bon Bon Blanco
mood: imprisoned by my keyboard

I knew I was afflicted by the disease, but never this serious.

I was aware of it last year, while writing those rushed news and stories for our school paper. It's just that the symptoms have been much more apparent now, almost rendering me disable.

I can't write without a keyboard. ;_; My creative flow is obstructed when I use a ballpen, pencil, and a clean blank paper. The words only create themselves in an MSWord window where they are rendered pretty. Very unlike my ogre handwriting.

I've relied on it too much. That's what happens when you don't rely entirely on your self. You become dependent. And when it's taken away, well, you've become useless as well.

Technology has enslaved me. I now have a love/hate relationship with my keyboard.

Maybe I need rehabilitation. ;___;

I know I can fight it, given enough time. My HBW ballpen is there to help me through. I will write manually, improve my handwriting...

Until then, tips for keeping your keyboard's manipulative and sadistic tendencies at bay are encouraged.

Seriously.

4 in the morning

listening to: 4 in the Morning - Gwen Stefani
mood: subdued

I've never been a big fan of Gwen Stefani, but I really really like some of her songs. The first song of hers which really captivated me (and is still a favorite up to now) is Don't Speak. Then there are those songs which are just irritating, or pointless, perhaps both, but is a bit amusing and new that somehow I'll end up liking it anyway. Like Wind it Up, and The Sweet Escape. The latter was easy to like since my sisters were always listening to it, but the former I am still wary of.

When I first saw the video of 4 in the Morning, I immediatley liked it. She just looked beautiful in a very natural and heartbreaking way. The music itself and the lyrics quickly pulled at my heart strings as well.

And all I know is you’ve got to give me everything
Nothing less 'cause you know I give you all of me .

And how true.

Or perhaps I fell in love with the song because it goes well with what I'm feeling at moment, given the recent event that happened. I'm just... sad.

It's been raining for a few days now. The rain was torrential last night. According to the weathermen, it's bye-bye summer. I know I've been cursing the heat for the past months, and I'm finally getting what I want (which is cool weather), but somehow I want the sunshine again. The rain is adding to my depression. I realized that the gray and bleak colors I am greeted with during the afternoon are not at all uplifting. (Of course they're not. Silly.) I wanted a subdued, cool, calm environment. Not one that would inspire me to be more lethargic than I already am.

Home isn't as bright as summer-y as before, too.

I'm looking forward to classes--maybe because I've got too much time on my hands, and I'm spending most of those precious minutes thinking. Just thinking. And too much thinking is bad. Everything in excess is bad. I've done some bumming around as well but that only added to my lack of productivity, which added to my thinking list.

By the time classes kick in, I'll be swamped with assigments, school stuff and work to think about life. I'll be busy, busy, busy and I like that. No time to get depressed.

Forgive me, the escapist in me is awakening again.

Meantime Girl

listening to: Aozora No Namida - Hitomi Takahashi
mood: detached


Meantime Girl

She’s the one you call when you’re bored because she makes you laugh. She’s the one you talk to when you’re feeling down because she’s willing to lend an ear and be a friend. She’s not the one you call when you need a date to your company’s Christmas party, or to go dancing with on a Saturday night. She’s the one you spend time with between girlfriends, before you find "The One". You know, the one who you keep around in the meantime.

She’s not one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you don’t look at her as a "real" woman, either. She’s not bitchy enough, moody enough, or sexy enough to be seen in that light. She’s too laid-back, too easily amused by the same things your male buddies are amused by. She’s too understanding, too comfortable – she doesn’t make you feel nervous or excited the way a "real" woman does. But she’s cool, and nice, and funny, and attractive enough that when you’re lonely or horny and need intimate female companionship, she’ll do just fine. You don’t have to wine and dine her because she knows the real you already, and you don’t have any facades to keep up, no pretenses to preserve. You’re not trying to get anything of substance out of her. She’s not easy, but you know that she cares about you and is attracted to you, and that she’ll give you the intimacy you need. And you know you don’t have to explain yourself or the situation, that she’ll be able to cope with the fact that this isn’t the beginning of a relationship or that there’s any possibility that you have any real romantic feelings for her. It won’t bother her that you’ll get up in the morning, put on your pants, say goodbye, and go on a date with the woman you’ve been mooning over for weeks who finally agreed to go out with you. She’ll settle for a goodbye hug and a promise to call her and tell her how the date went. She’s just so cool . . . why can’t all women be like that?!

But deep down, if you really think about it (which you probably don’t because to you, the situation between the two of you isn’t important enough to merit any real thought), you know that it’s really not fair. You know that although she would never say it, it hurts her to know that despite all her good points and all the fun you two have, you don’t think she’s good enough to spend any real time with. Sure, it’s mostly her fault, because she doesn’t have to give in to your needs – she could play the hard-to-get bitch like the rest of them do, if she really wanted to. But you and she both know that she probably couldn’t pull it off. Maybe she’s too short, or a little overweight, or has a big birthmark on her forehead, or works at Taco Bell. Whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a lot of really great qualities but has left out the ones that men want (or think they want) in a woman. So she remains forever the funny friend, the steadfast companion, the secret lover, and you go on searching for your goddess who will somehow be everything you ever wanted in a woman.

She doesn’t captivate you with her beauty, or open doors with her smile. Mainly she blends in with the crowd. She’s safe. She doesn’t want to be the center of attention and turn the heads of everyone in the room. But she wants to turn someone’s head. She wants to be special to someone, too. We all do.

She has feelings. She has a heart. In fact, she probably has a bigger and better heart than any woman you’ve ever known because she’s had a front-row seat to The Mess That Is Your Life, and she likes you anyway. She obviously sees something worthwhile and redeeming in you because although you’ve given her nothing, absolutely no reason to still be around, she is.

Anyway, yeah. I’m a Meantime Girl. Been one more times than I care to admit. I don’t know the reason, really, and at this point I don’t even care. I just want to let every guy know who’s ever had the good fortune to have a Meantime Girl that we may be a lot of fun, but we cry, too. A lot. And someday we won’t be around.

(from http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Meantime+Girl)

***

I realized that I'm Meantime Girl, after all. Thank you for validating it. You know who you are.

...Until it turns into a pumpkin.

listening to: Mr. Deja Vu - Naja
mood: contemplative

I never really was a believer in fairy tales.

But that didn't stop me from dreaming. Or wishing. Even if I knew it would all end up in vain. You were a faraway star that shined too brightly--you were unreachable to most. A millimeter to some. Merely a handtouch away from me. But you only came close to those who you really wanted.

You were near and far at the same time. I remained steadfastly hopeful. At the back of my mind I knew it was futile--but my heart was blind.

And then. And then.

And then the unexpected happened. My deepest dreams unraveled, acquired flesh and broke the barrier of reality.

...Bliss!

And for a while I remained drunk in those thoughts.

There was a need for words, but after a while they lost their purpose. There were the touches, hands lingering far longer than strictly necessary; the glances, deep and far-gazing, rendering me transparent; the promises, emotions formed into words. The future plans and new sensations. Everything suddenly shined a little brighter, acquired a bit of beauty...

I knew it was ephemeral then.

But the unbidden thought didn't stop me -- you -- us. We were breaking boundaries, going over limits, crossing lines that that would provoke heaven's wrath; we were losing control, snowballing faster, spiralling dangerously lower, accelerating, falling, falling... waiting for the inevitable crash.

As if we were anticipating the crash. Wanting the abrupt downfall.

My carefully intact self was blurring at the edges. I was sharing too much, spreading myself too thin. I was losing myself.

But I loved you. So.

So.

...We crashed, but I was the one crushed. Left. Abandoned.

The fairy tale spin lost its magic.

The illusion was a pumpkin, after all.

Or was it just my deluded mind?

My deluded mind, which fed on wishful thoughts, with the ominous at the horizon, the edges of my peripheral vision, the sensitivity of your emotions.

(Or was it entirely mine?)

My deluded mind, which kept on hoping, praying, wishing, dreaming, pleading with Reality to continue its play, with the knowledge that everything would one day end.

Like a fairy tale ending. Not for the prince. Not for the princess. But for the antagonist.

Still.

Still, the heart plays the fool. And I continue.

***

Anybody who takes the above post seriously will be sent to the wanna-be planet Pluto. :D

Finally

listening to: Bokura No Love Style - Suzumura Kenichi & Fujita Yoshinori
mood: enlightened

Yesterday I called UST up and learned that I actually passed the special test and the talent test. I was... a bit surprised, but then I was expecting it. It would've been terribly disappointing if I didn't pass.

My friend Nicole called me up the other day, informing me of the scholarship she got from DLSU - College of Saint Benilde. All the fees were waivered, and the only thing she has to maintain is a GWA of 2. Somehow I regret not following up the scholarship test for CSB--I really wanted to take up the Multimedia Arts course there. ;_;

Oh well. I'm happy for her, though. I think the course she chose really suites her well.

After having a talk with dad and my lola, I've eliminated UE and UP from my choices. I realized, if I'm going to be studying something for the next four years, and then spend the rest of my life woking in a field related to my course, then I should pursue what I really like. Something I'm really passionate about, nevermind about what other people will say.

So my college confusion was laid to rest and I went to UST in the afternoon to submit my credentials. Enrollment will be on the 8th of June, and I'm really excited. I'm going to apply for a working scholarship, knowing that my course (Advertising Arts) might be expensive in the long run.

I wouldn't mind the work--it'd be a great way to meet new people and get acquainted with the office and school people. I think it would be fun.

The only thing I'm worrying about, really, are the floods that plague the vicinity of UST. ;_; And lucky me, it's June, the rainy rainy month. ._.

...I'm feel so happy and light as if, forgive the cliche, a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders, or a great thundercloud which has been bothering me for the past two months finally got dispelled. I just realized that I haven't fully spent my summer vacation in a way that I would like to because I've been worrying too much.

I'm happy. :D

Saturday family-time :D

listening to: Sunday - Babystars
mood: content

We went to our neighbor's baby's baptism today. We woke up extreeemely early, and for the first time we actually got to the venue well before the indicated time. (My family is a faithful advocate of the Filipino time. Sad.) We were actually the first ones there.

The church was pretty nice. A wedding was going on when we got there. It was beautiful, but it really wasn't the wedding I had in mind. It was not at all solemn, some people at the back where chatting, fidgeting with their phones. And it looked kind of sad. I just felt that aura while looking at couple in front. For some reason.

And, creepily enough, I envisioned my own. I mean, lol XD. I really can't see myself donning a beautiful gown, walking down the flower-laced aisle... just... can't. And that's a good thing. For now. :D

A few minutes later all the guests started to arrive. So we proceeded to the small room attached to the side of the church, where the baptism was supposed to take place. But since the room was so small, only the ninongs and ninangs were allowed to stay in front. The rest of us loitered in the main part ot the church, making noise, (the wedding was over) picking flowers (from the aisle), exploring the place (churches are always nice to explore).

After the baptism, rabid picture-taking ensued. I guess, memories are better relived when visually accompanied.

I realized how bonded everyone was. Eveyone invited were our neighbors, and we've got this whole happy family-community thing going on. The feeling is just too nice. I can't imagine how close everyone has become, but its apparent everytime one of us has a birthday, or celebration, or whatever. Even in problems we join one another.

Really, it's just like a family.

Then we ate at the nearby Aberdeen Court. The food was... okay, save for the other dishes. The utensils were really bad. D: I think they were a bit dirty. Service was over all bad.

But nevermind--we had cake! Lots and LOTS OF CAKE!

And I died of sugar overload, and we all went home.

By then you'd think my food overload adventures had stopped. Nah-ah! We were pleasantly surprised when they invited us over to their house again for dinner. It was like lunch all over again, except that the food was great and the utensils even better. I confess home cooked food is definitely better. <3

Anyway, Welcome to Christian World, Kerby! ♥

***

Yesterday, I took my special entrance examination in UST. While waiting in the lounge (I refer to any waiting place as a 'lounge') a guy who sat beside me was listening to Avenue Q. My inner fangirl was giggly.

The test was okay. It was really cold, just like when I took the UPCAT, but I didn't learn from past mistake and conveniently forgot to bring a jacket. The first test, I wasn't able to answer all. But I guess it was all right since it was indicated there that it wasn't meant to be answered completely. English was pretty easy, and so was Science. The Math subtest killed my brain a bit, especially when it came to the circular functions. ARRRGH.

But it was definitely a lot easier than the UPCAT. (I left many blanks in the said test. ;_;)

I got home around 1pm. For us who were gonna take up Fine Arts, we were given a special test and a talent test. I have a feeling I won't pass both.

Results'll be out on the 22th. Hm.

...

listening to: GUILTY BEAUTY LOVE - Miyano Mamoru
mood: D:

It's true: Things can change in a day.

D:

First post! XD

listening to: Winding Road - Ayaka & Kobukuro
mood: sleepy

OMGBBQ. I finally finished the coding and layout-ing of this site. JLKjsskhdsj. *rambles on incoherently*

So, yes, welcome to my third blog, Vanilla Fries. Disregard the weird and obviously-written-by-someone-hungry-slash-lovesick name. It's fun and totally disjointed and irrelevant. I like it. ♥

Cover boys (and girl) are (clockwise, starting from bottom left) Kaoru & Hikaru Hitachiin, Takashi Morinozuka, Mitsukuni Hunny, Kyouya Ootori, the overdramatic charming Tamaki Suou, and the unfortunate Haruhi Fujioka from Ouran High School Host Club, created by Bisco Hatori. Get to know more about them here! (You know you want to~)

Anyhow, the blog is kinda empty as of the moment. =3 Hopefully in the following days I'll be able to fill it up with posts...

Ara~... my link list is kinda empty. So anyone who'd like to link exchange, just drop me a line.

Ouran!crack is RABU! ♥ Join!

Otanjoobi omedetou, May-neechan!

listening to: Sakura Kiss - Chieko Kawabe
mood: restless

Happy Birthday to my dearest sister MAY~! ♥

May we stay strong and close as ever in the following years that we will sleep in the same bed. (Wait. That sounded a bit disturbing. Oh well.) I LOVE YOU!

[taglish] Wala akong regalo, kaya blog post na lang yay! [/taglish]

We came home from my lola today. We went there Saturday for a sleepover, like we always did during past summer vacations. Mostly our visits there consist of anime marathons (they have Animax on cable, here at home we don't D: ), talk, and rich, comfort food that can only be cooked by someone filled with so much love. So we have to limit our stay there, lest we want to get fat. XD

The supposedly "one-day" celebration thing for May and me was chucked out of the window. When we arrived home, mom was cooking a simple handa for May's birthday. Nothing grand, the only people around to celebrate with her were the family and Louise (her [bf]f), after all. Lunch was rather uneventful.

Everything went downhill after that.

I'm not exactly sure how it started (of course I do. I'm just consciously trying to forget it), but when dad left for work, mom started crying, and the next thing I knew, eveyone was crying as well. Even Lousie was dragged into our mini drama fest, but I suppose he enjoyed comforting May.

Maybe because we were all laughing hysterically the day before. So is there some truth that when you laugh all day today, you'll cry all day tomorrow? Is this some kind of rule of nature? Or just to balance things? The yin-yang thing?

Hmmm. I'll just wait if tomorrow will be a better day.

I want a HS reunion. NOW.

listening to: Osaka Lover - DREAMS COME TRUE
mood: nostalgic

They say that a high school reunion is only done after 10 years or so. But I don't care; I want a high school reunion now! ;____;

I was getting my application form for the UST special entrance examination filled out by the school registrar when I decided to check out the campus (to go emo while reminiscing and stuff) and stumbled upon Jesse. He was in charge of the YECS corner while all the repainting and refurbishing was going around. Since the queue at the registrar was a bit long, we chatted for a while.

I learned that he wasn't going to study as UST anymore, since he really wanted to take up Nursing, but was enrolled in Biology. D: Also Kenneth. I dunno why. I feel sad and alone.

After our chat, I finally got around to accomplishing my forms. Jesse waited for me, and for some reason we decided to pay a surprise visit to Kenneth (who lived like, just beside the school).

Ken was surprised to see me =P. We chatted, and watched tv, and talked and ate. After that we went to James'. XD (Who, according to Jerome and Reginald, had a mini sari-sari store already, so he wouldn't go to college anymore, since his entrpreneurial dreams had been realized fulfilled.)

We saw Tope and Darwin on the way. I presume they came from Bernadette's house.

We chatted yet again. My supposedly 2-hours stay at school stretched into 5 hours. Fwee. I proposed the idea of having a school reunion before classes start. After all, our Farewell Party sucked and we didn't even have a decent Closing party. (Which would have been probably loads better than the former.)

They agreed. ♥ And we all went home around 7pm-ish.

I miss all my Journ classmates. ;_; Especially Missy. ♥

Onto another topic, I still don't know what to take up in college. I'm having second thoughts about dropping my slot in UP, but then I dunno what course to take up in UP. If I pass the USTET, should I take Fine Arts there? Is that really practical? Or should I just consider a computer-related course, which will surely provide me more job opportunities?

Can someone recommend a course in UP? Something preferably not-so-math-related?

God help me. >___<